Rejoice! The Robot's Heart Unplugged

New!

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 09:31:47 GMT

I have a new LJ user name, try to guess it? Okay well, I'm not telling you'll just have to find it.

Don't worry, it's really fucking easy. You'll find it in like 5 seconds.

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 18:08:41 GMT

Fuck cars. I hate myself.

No one reads this anymore...

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 09:37:38 GMT

So I used to post basically for Janelle, but now she can't really read my stuff. I've been looking at political forums lately, and posting on LJ right now makes me wanna barf for some reason. I get a little more easily jealous of other guy sin Janelle's life now, sometimes even girls, but I try hard to let it slide. What's wrong with me? Why can't I accept that she loves me? Sigh... the nightmares and stomach-aches hopefully won't ever come back, but they do. Only if you're like... part of the select group of people do you even have a CLUE of what I'm talking about. Anyways, I revamped my computer and it's layout, you should come to my house and see if it's really as cool as I say it is. For some reason, now that I have a car, I wish to be a tiny bit more socially active, but I need money. Fucking money.

I'm becoming more skeptical about the modern liberal thought on the War on Iraq, seeing both sides of the rhetoric now, which is (I hope) good. If you're not interested in politics, you soon will be, and if you never are, then... you're strange.

Bye bye, possibly forever.

John

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 10:05:44 GMT

Went bowling with Janelle, best bowl tonight was a 151 (not that great, best ever was 181). Anyways um... my thumb started hurting so i just grabbed a puny 9 lbs. ball and hurled it without putting my fingers in the wholes and for like 2-3 games I sucked, but I got a little better and it was sorta fun. We bought unlimited games from 9 - 11:30 and we played until 11:27 so we got our shit'z worth. Umm, we bowled next to lesbians for a while... other than that, I don't have much news at all.

There is this guy Mike who just made a forum online and needs people to visit it to help pay the 20 dollars monthly that he gets charged. So please go check it out at least, you don't have to post or anything.

The Forums Link!

Bonanza... purple frogs with socks on their homework

Pictures at Bonita...

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 23:03:52 GMT

There were 4 pics altogether, but they licked balls, and my editing thing right now licks balls, anyways, there ya go.

OH by the way, yesterday i got a horse lesson and i realize i suck at posting (english trotting) and today i helped lunge a horse, that was sorta fun. hooray.

k bye.

Nightmares a lot...

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 07:49:34 GMT

So this is the dates i've had the past 3 nightmares:

July 21
June 29
June 7

i seem to have them more than i thought... at least once a month. and these past ones were pretty intense. like, waking up maybe in a cold sweat, heart thumping away, remembering every detail. the worst one was the spider choking one,c ause i woke up yelling "spiders" but that's pretty bad indeed.

this last one was very bad too, but i didnt wake up yelling anything, it just freaked me out. like a lot. i dunno, i dont feel liek thinking about it anymore, i may not get to sleep if i think about it.

The Most Real Nightmare I've Ever Had...

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 12:39:31 GMT

I just dreamed that Dane and Art and some tall guy named David and some fatter, bald guy got high on heroin and thought up some Donnie Darko shit and came to Janelle's house and kidnapped her and me with the intention of burning us alive. They barged through the door and then they went for Janelle. I paused for a second to see if Janelle really didn't want them here or if I could hesitate for a second, they got close to her and grabbed her, and she screamed so I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and said "HEY! Let her the FUCK GO!" and then the big bald guy pulled out a knife and all of a sudden I felt realisticly weak with a knife and sliced his forearm open, but he poked my right pectoral and then Dane was in front of me and and he pulled out a knife from his pocket... a big one just like mine. He said "Killing her is the only way to save her" and I said, "No Dane, you guys are high on heroin or something and just tripping out. You don't know what you are doing. Please believe me... I konw you're in there!" and for an instant I swear I saw some good in him. I saw him back up for a second, and really hear me... but then he sank back into some other weird reality. He said "put away your knife" and i said "you first" with the intention of stabbing him... he said "at the same time" and so i said O.K. to that... we put ours away slowly, then out of nowhere he goes to flat-slice me across the chest and i pull mine out and parry, parry, parry, then we freeze and i said "you've got to trust me dane, just... hesitate on this one, you're not doing what you think you're doing... you're going to kill us and then you're going to jail and it's all real" and he couldn't tell the difference anymore. I cried on the inside.

They loaded us up into some white van. It was David driving, Dane in shotgun, Art in the middle, and then i guess the bald fatter guy right behind the middle seat or something, and we ewre in back. They asked us where we'd spend the night if we got away, and they said YOUR MOM'S? and I said.. "No, my Dad's... where he's got a colt .45 and a smith and wessen .357 and an AR-15 .223 waiting for your ass. Then they said they'd just sneak in and kill my dad, so then I lied and said Karina Callu's house, just to throw them off (sorry karina, was just a dream). We stopped at some big cylinderical gas thing where you have to climb up a rung of metal ladder steps to get to the top, and somehow got 2 other cars ontop as well as the white van they kidnapped us with. They planned to douse us in Gasoline and then put us in the cars and send us over the edge of this tall white oil tank thing. So at first they are dousing us with alcohol when Art accidentally lights himself on fire and can't put out the fire or something and dies, and then David falls off or disappears, very spooky (have to remember, this dream was so detailed I thought it was real for a little while as i woke up, then i remembered my dad waking me up at 4 or 4:30 AM to say goodbye to me). Then, as they are acting more calm, I ask them to let us go right before they are about ot light us on fire, and they just laugh, but then get into a little fight, and that's when i remember i have the knife in my pocket. I'm like 2 feet from both of them, and I signal with my eyes for Janelle to get ready to run.

I take my knife and i slice across the neck of the bald guy and across the eyeball of Dane, initially, and then i stab each one of them in the heart and grab Janelle's hand and we run up towards some like black church (by black, i mean only black people go to it) and im outside running towards them and screaming "someone call teh FUCKING POLICE there are 2 men DEAD over there that tried to kidnap me" and they are like, "dont go using that tone of voice with me, i dont have to call anybody" so then i try to be a little more compassionate with my words to convince them and i siad "they kidnapped me and my girlfriend and planned to light us on fire and throw us off the cliff behind us when we narrowly escaped and i had to kill them to stay alive" and then they say "OH FUCK, YO!" and then they call the police and the ambulance comes up and Karina is, for some reason, a nurse there or whatever, and she tends to my wounds, and janelle is walking over when i realize that we don't know what happened to David, the tall one or whatever, or one of them, and then i freak out.

then i woke up to pitch darkness...

okay fellas... this is the scariest moment of my fucking life. i thought this was real, if it weren't for the initial shock of it, i would have cried. i actually stabbed dane in my dream, i remember him bleeding, i cut his eye open, and i remember david grabbing janelle and her leaning back and screaming a blood-curdling scream. it was all so real, i think im going insane. i dont want to have anymore nightmares, i dont think i can take the next one.

words of compassion would be nice.

Happiness... haha.. penis

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 19:45:40 GMT

Alaska is fucking cool, if only i could live up there, it's just really expensive to live there cause they have to ship everything up there. i dont feel like typing up everything i did, so ill post pictures a bit later and just sit around. um... yeah. okay bye bye.

YAY IM FINALLY BACK WITH JANELLE HERE IN SAN DIEGO. janelle makes the world go round.

This Message is For Janelle:

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 06:33:21 GMT

Hey Janelle, I'm out at sea right now. I really miss you. I love you. I sent you a letter, I hope you get it soon. When we get back we have to have a fancy night with my new suit. Can't wait to see you.

-Love, John

for everyone else: ill hopefully post pictures when i get back, which is late the 19th

Change is in the wind...

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 02:57:21 GMT

So today I got a haircut and bought a nice black suit. They have to taylor it, I'll pick it up tomorrow. Aren't I schnazzy? Anyways, I'm still missing janelle and I won't see her for 10 more days, how fucking gay is that? Sheesh, she's like my heroin and I'm addicted. I'm not ashamed or anything and FUCK re-hab, anyways... I love her and she knows it. As for everyone else, I'm actually getting out, hanging out with friends at least. Not stuck inside and shit but meh, it's fun it's fun. When Janelle comes back I'm gonna have to make a point of it NEVER to hangout with friends again =P.

So I had a 2nd interview for Island's a while ago and they are either brushing me off or waiting to hire people in a big bunch so they can train them all at one time or whatever. It's pissing me off but, they hopefully will hire me. I think they like me, and I'm sure I stick out cause I call a lot. I mean a lot. I don't call them anymore cause I thought I was pissing them off and the super highest rank manager told me that she'd call me if she wanted me, but not really in a bad way. Anyways, pray for my workiness. I dunno how much longer I'm gonna wait for Island's to pull thru.

Hmm, so what is everyone else up to?

[By the Way: I go on a cruise on Sunday until the 19th of July so, wish me a happy vacation please if you get the chance. =) Thanks!]

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 02:49:55 GMT

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 00:21:25 GMT

I miss janelle very much.

Sat, 03 Jul 2004 00:49:17 GMT

How does everyone like the new LJ layout I made for myself? It's nothing fancy, but I'd appreciate some critiques.

Political Opinions: Part II

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 03:01:16 GMT

Listening to Rush Limbaugh the other day on the radio, I heard one person say: "Are we making money from pumping oil in Iraq? I HOPE we are... at least enough to pay for the war."

First and foremost... think who pays for the war: the American taxpayer. Now think who would make money from pumping oil in Iraq: Halliburton. Who makes money from Halliburton? Well, Dick Cheney (Vice President) was previous CEO and still a large shareholder on Halliburton, and Bush SURPRISINGLY had something like 50 to 100 times more campaign funds from incredibly large donations from our friends at Halliburton and Enron. So, as men and women die in Iraq (ours) along with their men, women, and CHILDREN... Bush and Cheney are thickening their pockets and taking down Iraq. Why? Because they had weapons of mass destruction (didn't) and had intent to attack us (never have attacked us... we've attacked them and they've defended, but that's it)... what am i forgetting? Oh yes... they funded terrorist operations against the U.S. (the U.S. Congress did an investigation into this... they concluded there was absolutely NO connection between Saddaam Hussein, Iraq, terrorists, and The United States).

So... imagine here as if im speaking in front of a large audience, and all of the sudden... I SHOOT A boy. The smoking gun, the blood on the ground, dead! DEAD as a doornail right? Pretty horrendous of me... lock me up and throw away the key. Now imagine me shooting him again, except this time imagine im making MONEY by doing it. Lock me up and throw away the key, right? Now replace that image of me in front of a large audience with a different one. Imagine that was really President Bush and the audience was all of the people who are enlisted in our Armed Services.

I felt like saying that.

But not to you

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 08:03:01 GMT

What I think isn't important. I'm a drone, forever lost in the hive. Serve the Queen, my duty; serve the hive, my job; serve the colony, my purpose. Do not ask questions. Do not care. Don't care about me, I'm a worker bee.

[edit] thanks for the ride home

An Intense Nightmare...

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 16:06:19 GMT

I was talking with my son, and he had bought a knife. A really nice, sharp, super able-to-cut knife... i was telling him how i thought it was wrong, and so was my wife, except she died as i was telling my son how we don't want him to have the knife, and i guess i continued telling him as if she was never there, only that i longed for her to be there, to help my son understand. I think his name was Alex. Anyways, he got the knife from me somehow and started pointing it at me. I got a tiny bit scared and said... "Alex, what are you doing?" He said he'd kill me unless i proved how sharp the knife was my slitting the top part of my forearm for him. At first i was like wtf? So I convinced him to give the knife to me and i walked around casually trying to say why i shouldn't and stuff, and then i gave it back to him. He said "are you going to do it or not?" I said "Of course not!" So then he puts the knife behind him for a second, and it turns into a gun and he says "Have you ever heard of the uniform diablo theory?" And i instantly run downstairs (the dream takes place in my dad's house) and he's behind me and i hear him say as i struggle to unlock the door... "the's the uniform idea of good, bad, and evil that congregates into one feeling of the soul right before you're murdered" (or something like that, i can't remember exactly) and im fucking STRUGGLING with the lock, i can't convince my fingers to open the lock, they just sort of wiggle, and just as i look back to see his figure standing there coming down the stairs, i open the lock and RUN outside, hitting the street and then taking a right to go over the fence and hopefully ditch him. I'm so scared that as i look behind me I can't even run straight, and my neck somehow gets locked in a sideways view, and i cant look straight and run. So now im like a retard running away from his killer sun. I'm crying in my dream, running away, and then...

I wake up, im wiggling in my bed, sheets everywhere, im breathing super heavily.... i wake up for 2 seconds, then i re-fall into the dream and he's about to pull the trigger... and then i wake up again, this time sitting bolt up-right.

............
............
............

yeah dude, i know. *sigh* why do i have nightmares? =(

anyways, i think im gonna go drive to warner springs now so.... see ya later.

-john

Flakey...

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 19:04:21 GMT

So it sounds like the Island's manager Mark is a little flakey, it's been a long time, still haven't gotten hired. This really licks balls ya know? And my dad has been agreeing that I'll drive with him up to Warner Springs and shit, and EVERY goddamn time he finds an excuse not to go. The first time, he was too sick, the second time, he wanted to go alone cause he was gonna fly for a long time (he didn't), the third time was at random really, and i think today is the 4th time, and he doesn't want to go because he wants to get his plane inspected at the beginning of the month, not the end, or rather... the beginning of A month, any month.... so when he gets his annual inspection of his glider, he'll techinically be getting 1 more month out of it... goddamn.

I saw the notebook. It's about a man who renews his love with his wife who has alzheimers. It's... hmm, i dunno, none of the girls i went with cried, and the music gets SUPER loud at the emotional parts, like blaring. But it's an over the top drama, and if you're into that sort of thing then "go you!" as for me, i thought it was okay, and then i realized i talk too much and shut my mouth.

so this week isn't gonna be a work week like i thought it was, and um... well i dunno, i guess im just gonna walk around and be bored unti i get hired... which may be never. ya never know you know? right. anyways im fucking bored and wondering what the hell im gonna do today cause janelle has work early, my dad canceled on me, can't hangout with byron, caleb is far away, mom is probably already leaving for work, and... well all that and plus i dont have any friends anyways. okay, bye bye live journal readers... until next time.

-john john, the lepracan

Sun, 27 Jun 2004 04:37:06 GMT

i feel like i've been a dick to janelle and i want to make it up to her, but i just don't know how. *sigh* i wish i could be the best boyfriend ever, and it turns out im probably the worst. i dont cheat on her or anything, i dont hit on other people, im faithful, i think about her all the time, i ride my bike to her house every now and then, i write her notes, i comment on every LJ post she's ever made, and i basically think about her all the time, and tell her i love her every day.... i just don't know what to do more, but i know that i want to and i know that i love her and never wnat ot lose her. but how far would i go to save the relationship? would i move? would i sacrifice a good education? would i... i don't know what i'd do, but i know i want her to be with me until i die, then she can go fuck other people cause then i'll be dead and won't care, but case in point: i love her and i don't know what's gonna happen because of her dad. you probably don't know what's going on but anywyas... i love her (i've had 7 beers right now so im a little tipsy)

at least this time im a little more sane. last time i got drunk, i was fucking nuerotic and almost killed myself, bad idea! i love janelle. i love girls, but janelle by far. i want to be loved and comforted and i want it to be janelle, but when should i give up? when should i call it quits? i dont want to EVER call it quits, but maybe one day i should in order to spare us.

god listen to me. if you see me or message me, tell me that you KNOW i love janelle, adn tell me you love me personally, and then follow ALL of that up by telling me that my life is going great and that i should care about janelle mroe than i do (is that possile?)

anyways case in point: i love janelle and please remind me of it if i forget, since im drunk. anyways, see you all later.

i love you all, especially janelle!

-johnnykins

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 18:33:04 GMT

Open your eyes, and tell me what lies
Inside of my homicidal future
I can't comprehend why you chose me
I can only understand why you left me
If only I hadn't killed us

Crazy Old Fucking Lady...

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 11:39:54 GMT

Holy shit... so okay, here's how the night went.

9:30 PM, im chatting wtih meshell and im like, wanna hang out? and she says "i thought you'd never ask" and so she comes to my house, i get directions to carina perez's house (cause she was having a graduation party thing) so we went there to get free food. when we get there, there's only fucking MEAT and salsa... no tortillas, only 2 forks left, it was sorta lame in that aspect. so then as we eat we're like, HOLY FUCK outside there is a firepit, yes... fire..... pit. FUCK YES! with real logs, just out in the middle of her backyard, so im like... where is the wood? anyways, got some wood and made a big ass fire, it was so fun. me and meshell were like the fire-keepers and shit, we even made torches out of lighter fluid and sticks, and wow, just fun... i didnt really know anyone, well i did, but they are weird people, not my people. so after a while of lighting shit on fire, me and jason and mike and meshell are just sorta chattin' it up and laughing trying to do a clap dance thing, when KT shows up. then we tell everyone else to leave and enter... THE ASTRO-JUMP!

so we had some fun with that, and i must admit, pretty fun at first, just jumping around laughing... tugging down the walls of the astro-jump...

then we all got tired, and were laying about...

anyways, so then when the party was REALLY over, we all (carina, KT, meshell, mike, and jason) decided to meet up at 7-11 by SWC, so we go there, and we get gum and they get basically just drinks, and then we see this old lady with a black hat on and a trenchcoat with a medical band around her wrist and she's smoking.... TOTALLY FUCKING CRAZY LADY..... holy fuck, funny as fuck. i thought she was stoned at first cause she came up to me telling me that listerine kills AIDS, and then she told me it was also a good idea to chew on it so my breath is fresh (need to know information).

so im seriously ducking behind KT and carina cause im busting up laughing hearing this lady talk about how hillary clinton is a lesbian and how she got beat up by arnold scwartzaneggar's thugs or something.... totally hilarious. then these black guys pull up... OH MY FUCKING GOD! she thought one was an undercover cop and he asked her if she drank... (this dude was no undercover cop, it's 1:30 AM mind you) and we all were busting up laughing. all rolling around on the goddamn floor!

Meshell was scared of her and i promised KT chips at my house, so meshell and KT and i rendezvoused at my house for chips and we bid the old lady adieu!

then we all ate chips at my front door, meshell left, and my and KT continued to talk inside my house until around 4 am just laughing and telling horse stories and whatnot.... just funny shit. the lady.... omg so scary.... anyways i hope you enjoyed my post, and i hope you liked the pictures, i took 1/2 of them.

goodnight =) (or.... good morning, rather)

Tue, 22 Jun 2004 07:09:09 GMT

the first time i've ever actually held a knife to my neck and contemplated pushing it through. help me.

So...

Tue, 22 Jun 2004 05:48:09 GMT

Janelle ditched me and thinks she didn't, then when i asked for an apology she got pissed and basically hung up on me. Yup, well... hooray for tactfulness. I suck at tact (tact being the ability to deal with an agrivating situation without rage or conflict). i won't get into details, cause that's private info im sure she doesn't want to reveal, and i have to respect that, but basically i thought we agreed to hangout after work, and she felt that since she didnt call me directly after work and tell me she was picking me up, it wans't ditching me by not contacting me and going straigh to her friend's house without me.

i just don't knwo what to do. if i get mad, she won't understand, and if i just let it go, it'll happen again... what's a guy to do. so, i got pissed, i think i vacuumed a little, and then i grabbed the hidden tequila out of the cabinet and took 3 shots over the course of like 60 seconds, plus i haven't had anything to eat in 6 hours so, least i say, im sorta fucked up. anyways, im swimming within my thoughts and my mom just walked in... god i hope she doens't notice im drunk as fuck. anyways um... i don't know how to deal with girls, especially janelle. im tactless and a monster to boot. maybe someone should kill me... like you, yes you. if you see me, stab me in the fucking neck. just do it, ill only be mad for a little while. then ill get to tell you my dying words and you can tell janelle, or at least write her a letter from jail, though if i live, i won't press charges (unless you're art, then ill go to your house and fuck you up and light your dog on fire you flaming fucker... die in hell you rotten son of a bitch and i hope your mother gets testical cancer). anyways, forgive me, im just a drunken stuper of a being. im a simpleton, whose goal in life is to be a living mockery of all that is human. kill me now, no really. just kill me now, that or give me free drugs. ill smoke it, ill sniff it, ill shoot up. anything to bear the pain for me cause im such a bad person. *sigh*

well the rest of my night will be filled with jacking off silently and strangling penguins... see you tomorrow then. bye. oh yeah, by the way..... umm. nah forget it, i must stay tactful and not say it.

-john

Hung out with Byron today...

Sun, 20 Jun 2004 05:06:47 GMT

Today was an all day byron-fest, really. work, sitting around, talking, videogames, and getting paid. 20 bucks, not too shabby for not doing that much at all, though when i worked, i worked pretty hard. anyways um...

482-2014 mom's
482-0663 dad's

call one of those numbers (or both) if you would like to get in contact with me. i think i need to go out to eat lolita's with chelsea because i owe her carne asada fries, and then with meshell cause she said we should go... so maybe we'll make it a 3-some and just all go and eat. eating is awesome... good god, it really is. well i got a permit everyone, driver's test is july 19th, 10 AM, the day AFTER i get back from my cruise to alaska (yup, you read it right). Still thinking about saving up for my computer, but im thinking about not working THAT hard this summer, and then just buying the computer leisurely around... oh i dunno, october? yeah, that's probably right. prices will have fallen and i want to get the ATI Radeon X800, which blows everything else out of the water (cause it's the most powerful VPU out right now... period, hands down, no contest, end of story!). but it's 400 bucks, and the next step down is 300 bucks and that one is still good, and then there is 150 bucks for basically the regular, but still good, and then it declines from there. anyways, yeah.

talk to you next time, adventurers... ill just wait until around 12 until i get a call from my girlfriend when she gets back from some party or something. i hope she has fun and doesn't drink. *sigh* i miss her. well, see you peoples.

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 17:51:33 GMT

The only thing that's microscopic
Is the optics, you choose me to talk about the next topic
Well, lets talk about how blue teh sky is when the trees are green
Maybe I'm just stupid, but I think you know what i mean

Graduation... followed by job, followed by money, followed by computer, followed by school. Maybe ill just save up and not get a good computer so i can do good in school... but that'd be sorta dumb. anyways, it's early morning and it's my dad's birthday today. I guess I'll see you all at the graduation. What happens after graduation? It's then considered summer break, and it doesn't even feel like summer break right now... you know what it feels like? It feels like... a long ass weekend like im going back to school any minute. After a few days of argumentation, me and janelle have been going great, though we always work it out, ya know? I think her and i are inseperable, but you'll never really know unless we seperate... or die. Hopefully we don't, but hopes can only hope. I love her. There are a few people i'll miss.

Laura, MeShell (i guess i could still see her every now and then), Byron, caleb (who is going to SWC, but who knows for how long or where after that), dane, um... well i dont have many friends, so that's it for now.

realized in the past couple months that janelle is really my only friend. when she leaves, ill have none left. *sigh* what am i gonna do?

enough sadness, more happiness... haha, penis. get it? hap-penis? nevermind. you're stupid.

-johnster monster (the siren)

Me-cocktail

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 19:05:53 GMT

How to make a John

Ingredients:

5 parts success

3 parts humour

5 parts ego

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of fitness and enjoy!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com